It is 87 f*cking degrees out and I am about to have a meltdown.

The house we currently live in is a multigenerational home. My great-grandparents, grandparents and their children all lived here at some point. The house is old.

While Granny and Papa lived here, the house was always hot. They did not care because they were always cold. When Jeremy and I came to visit, it was like walking in a sauna. There was something definitely wrong with the heating and cooling.

The house was serviced for many years by a local HVAC company. Granny and Papa paid a separate fee for them to perform routine maintenance, such as cleaning out the vents every so often. After Papa passes away and while my husband and I are living here, the HVAC suddenly stops working. We wake up one morning in the dead of winter and it is about 50 degrees in the house.

“This thing looks like it has been neglected for years,” the company says. Mind you, it’s the same company that has been servicing it for 10+ years. We were quoted $20k to completely replace the unit.

Who the f*ck has $20k? Not me. Not my husband.

Since then, we have been heating with space heaters and cooling with window units. Winter is not so bad. Summer is a nightmare. Summer is a nightmare specifically because I am an A1 bitch when I am hot. I also become nauseous and sick if I am overheated.

At the moment, I have no solution other than buying some more powerful window units.

I miss our old house. I miss living in the woods and being surrounded by trees that protected me from the hellacious sun. That’s another story for another time, though.

According to Google, it’s 58 degrees in Alaska. Who wants to move?

Happy birthday, Papa.

Today, my grandfather (“Papa”) would have turned 87 years old. The last time we celebrated his birthday was five years ago.

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During the last few years of his life, Papa always became emotional on his birthday. His last birthday, he cried while we sang to him, and I will never forget that. He knew that he was sick.

This morning, my husband and I were awake a lot earlier than normal. I took a shower and we drove to Kroger to purchase flowers and balloons. Historically, I like to go to Dollar Tree for decorations; however, I’ve been trying to keep it more simplistic based on the mere fact that all of it is going to get thrown away anyway. Truthfully, I don’t even like the idea of purchasing balloons for this reason.

After we left the cemetery, we went to Tudor’s. I ordered a plain, buttered biscuit (just like Papa would have ordered). Then, we stopped at Kroger one last time to buy stuff for dinner tonight, cat food, and pop. We came home and played Fortnite for a couple hours. Jeremy took a nap and left for work a few minutes ago. Tonight, Jeremy is going to cook a meatloaf for supper, and I am going to make fried potatoes in the air fryer.

Today is a harder day than normal. Any sort of holiday or birthday is rough. Coming from a family that held massive celebrations for every holiday, it’s difficult to sit in the house in complete silence. It’s difficult living in the very house that the majority of the celebrations were held in.

Needless to say, I’m taking it easy today.

Papa, I hope you enjoyed your decorations. Everyone in the cemetery knows it’s your birthday today. ❤︎⁠